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So someone on the messenger had a conversation with me about being in a relationship. It went like this; I have been single for six months and you? He asked me. I said that for me it’s about two years. Then he responded that I am sorry that it’s that long. I was LOL and speechless.

This makes me realize that some people do still think that being single is a bad thing. They somehow still believe that you have to be with someone in a relationship to be OK. Some people even afraid of responding to a question like “How long have you been single?” just because they have been single too long and do not want to see the surprised look on the questioner’s face. If you take a moment and think about this, would you fall under this sort of description? It prompts me to ask a simple question why? Why being single is considered bad thing? Why whoever that thinks being single is a bad thing never thought of the fact that being single can be by choice? It can be that the single person has just not found the right one to be with instead of being with just about anyone to be not so called single? Or it can be any other reasons.

I think that no matter what kinds of expressions you see on the person who hears your answer about you being single too long, it really doesn’t matter that much. The point is that you know yourself very well of all the valid reasons that why you are single. On top of that, being single is not a bad thing at all. There’s nothing wrong with being single. Whoever thinks that you have to be with someone in a relationship in order to prove that you are okay is usually the one that tends to be clingy type of person. If you can recall, his or her relationship is most often time short term, and the reason beyond that is because he or she is afraid of being alone and feel lonely, or simply just wants to be with someone to feel OK. If you are a true relationship material, I am pretty sure that you would rather have the right and long term relationship than to just jump in the bed with about anyone just to get rid of lonely single life. You do the math!

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As some of you might already know that lately, I am addicted to playing my keyboard piano. Since I got the stand for my keyboard, I have been playing and practicing a few songs that I have always wanted to play. For the past few days, after work and gym, I went straight to play the keyboard. Time flies very fast that way, yet I never want to stop playing. To me, being able to play the songs that I like makes a very difference in my entire free time or quiet moments at home alone.

It got me to think that, every time we complain that we don’t have time to do this and that. But we have time to sit down and get bored, or do something that just to kill time unproductively. Instead of picking up a talent or activity that we always wanted to do, we rather just sit quietly at home, and then the thoughts keep coming into our mind. When we are thoughtful, we tend to be depressed or sad. But as usual, being sad does not help anything or make the situation better. We all are doing the best we can to live our life according to our own standards, but I would like to encourage you to take a look at the time that you have in your hand, whether or not you use it productively and enjoyable. A hobby is what you want to have fun with. If you prefer being alone than in group, then pick up a hobby that you can do solo. It doesn’t matter what kind it is as long as you enjoy doing it. Enjoyment is what matters for the soul and mind, for we focus only on the thought of having fun with that hobby.

Don’t get bored or be lonely, get a hobby that you always wanted to do. In the meantime, learning piano is one of my this year’s resolutions. I am so glad that I am making progress on this one as well. You might also want to check my previous post about Year 2008 Status Check that I was talking about this.

P.S: I meant to take the picture of my keyboard stand and post here, but I guess I will have to do that some other time. I am at work now writing this.

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A friend online chat with me tonight, and said a simple statement that I would like to share with you all. The word of the day for tonight before I go to bed is "Be happy and live life, and love will find you."

Sometimes, whatever you said might just mean something you said, but you never know what other people think about what you said. Sometimes, it can be a good saying for others.

Sweet dreams!

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Do you have a type? I believe everyone does. Some people are just more flexible than others. For me, I believe that I do have a type, but if you want me to specifically describes that “type.” I am afraid I cannot because I find each individual is different. I don’t like to limit myself with just “these are what I want, and if you don’t meet these, I don’t want you.”

However, where in the world that you think you are not someone’s type? Granted, you look at a guy or a girl that leans towards your type, but he or she is too gorgeous that makes you think that he or she is either taken or is not interested in you. Yes, rejection sucks! We all are, to an extend, afraid to get one, especially from the ones that we are attracted to. I used to ask my friends, how come I went to the club and no one ever talked to me? My friend said, maybe they think that a cute person like you is already taken! Another friend said, maybe they are shy to talk to you because you might reject them because they are not your types! So on and so forth. We tend to be very self-conscious, and granted, we know ourselves very well. Trust me, I feel the same way most of the time to go up and talk to someone that I am attracted to. We do not want to break our comfort zone, but with the reality check, we suffer from low self-esteem. We lack of self-confidence to talk to a cute or hot one. We expect that things should go smooth, and if they don’t, we don’t want to even go there.

Look and personality to me is very important. You have an average look but with great personality, you are in. But if you have the look but lousy personality, I will run away as fast as I can. However, type for attraction is one thing, friendship is another thing. I think you see where I am heading to base on this statement. Just go out there and have fun. Don’t expect too much out of someone. When you least expect it, you will feel that it’s actually not that difficult to talk to a guy or a girl that you have been admiring secretly. Maybe to your surprise, you are his or her type, but just waiting for you to make the first move.

Have a great weekend!

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There are kinds of people that when they start doing something, for instances, getting a new job, seeing someone new special, moving into a new apartment or house, moving to a new city, doing an activity, etc. later on, they want to change their mind. It is very understood that the more we do one thing, the more bored we might get from doing it. Sometimes some people find enjoyment of doing that one thing though. But the point that I want to make here is not when those people that find the enjoyment.

Most of the time, we tend to complain a lot more than we embrace things that we do and have. We tend to take things for granted. We were excited about getting that new job, or moving to that new city, but then we discovered it was not for us. We complain and complain instead of doing something about it. We turn the excitement that we had into something that we hate and disgust. Basically, the evil part is that we never think that we have enough, and thus, we always want more or better. We are taking things for granted that badly.

It is alright to move on if you don’t enjoy doing something, but when you complain and your tone indicates that you want “more,” you make people feel that nothing ever satisfies your needs. I talked about this many times in my previous posts that it’s the negativity part that makes us becomes greedy, resentful, and inappreciative. As I always say, life is what you make it. If you don’t know how to enjoy what you have, eventually, you are going to make a mess of your life. Regardless you get a better job, dating better or more pretty person, moving into a more fancy place, moving to another new big city, or doing another better activity, still later on, you will just get bored from doing it the same thing because you don’t see the point of valuing things that you have compared to others that don’t have. Said is easier than done, but this is just a thought for you, and practice makes perfect!

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I was chatting with a friend last night. We were talking about my work permit that is going to last for three years. I mentioned that I would like to know someone that can play either piano keyboard or guitar. That friend said that the relationship is going to be entailed for only three years because you might have to go back home. I laughed, but I responded I would not mind and would not think about it that far, in fact, what I would be worried about is that within those three years, whether or not I can live my life 100% without wasting my youth time and having any regrets later on. It is a matter of meeting someone that is special in those three years, rather than being concerned about having to leave in the future.

Obviously, it got me to think that, living in the moment is what best for all of us. But at some point, we tend to worry about what has not arrived. A girl chats with a guy online, they clicked online but the girl already thinks and worries about their future together. Two people in a relationship, one or sometimes both are worried about breaking up after one year from now on. A marriage couple worries about the divorce down the road. An employee worries about getting fired. A student worries about failing his or her grade even though he or she studies hard. You get the picture.

I am guilty all the time for thinking over my head. Living in now and taking each day as it goes by are not easy tasks to do. We all have a powerful mind to think through either when we are in a quiet place or in a crowd, for we are not brainless and stupid. But what important is that we try to live our life to the fullest that we can, live in a moment that we are in, and take each day as an opportunity by not taking it for granted. One of my favorite saying is that “Life is full of twists and turns.” All you have to do is be true to yourself and give it a try, for when we fail we fail with a dignity of trying, but what if we succeed, that’s no need me to say.

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Just a few days, I have been doing many things that I have never done before. Trying new things can be fun, but what if they are something that goes against your self and your initial purpose?

Feeling guilty is not a healthy emotion to have, but it’s always part of our emotions. When we feel guilty, we know that there’s something wrong consciously. I always think that I know what I am looking for, but somehow these few days I have been doing something that goes against that. The nature of self has been contaminated by the temptation and guilt. All I have is, someone that I really don’t know anymore when I look at myself in the mirror.

However, I learn to forgive myself. I learn how to embrace my bad and naughty moments. They were mistakes that make me become more alert about temptations around in the future. I can fool the world, but there’s one person that I cannot fool no matter what, and he is “me.” I tend to be very self-conscious. Everything that I did, it usually turns into my self-reflections. Some I fail to learn from, and some I succeed to not make the same mistakes. But the point is, we have to learn how to love ourselves. No matter how big the stupid mistakes we made, and how shady our pasts are, we have to learn how to embrace those bad things and call them “experiences.” Otherwise, with judgments flowing around this society, people can really kill you without using any weapons. More importantly, if we just wallowed in what has been done, it will be just a waste of time. We have to learn how to forgive ourselves. There’s really no need to beat yourself up. You can be hard on yourself for this moment, but promise yourself that after this moment you will be fine just like the cloud will be clear after the rain. Forgiveness is often time associated with responsibilities. Remember how you first touched the fire? Then you swore to god that you would never touch it again? It’s the same as forgiveness. If something that you do and it makes you feel bad or uncomfortable, then stop doing it and forgive yourself. I am pretty sure as human beings, we have the provided intelligence to realize that fact.

I here forgive myself, what are you waiting for? You are your own destiny and guilt-healer!

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I am writing this in response to a comment that is posted on one of my posts “Belief and Self.”

The comment was talking about the Relativism vs. Moralism. Both parties debate that they both are correct, but the author intervenes this debate by bringing up God and the Bible to show that neither one of them is correct with some personal insights. The author also mentioned that the absolute truth is found within God, and as humans, we have both good and bad days, but in asking God for forgiveness, we are forgiven. Granted, temptation is everywhere because of our powerful thoughts that can traverse and see both real and imaginative things anytime and anywhere. If by asking God for forgiveness, then repeatedly does the same thing, hm…….. that could be a little bit strange concept huh? You see the point that I am heading to. Overall, it is a great comment and thanks to that author for sharing that.

I am a strong believer that life is what you make it. It has nothing to do with whether or not how people or you label yourself as a relativist or a moralist or in between. It is what we believe that defines us whether it is true or not. There are always good and bad sides to each thing. You can’t really say that one thing is absolute bad or vice versa. But the point is, creating a life that you want, a life that runs parallel with your own belief and ready to take criticism as part of life experience and learning, is what this is all about. No body is perfect, and we all make mistakes. What I encourage you to do is to face your authentic self, be realistic to yourself by understanding clearly who you really are, and what belief systems that supports that “you.” You can be just about anything! Yes, I mean anything. Christian, atheist, relativist, moralist, even criminal, whatever you want to call yourself. But one thing to keep in mind is that, be whatever you want to be, but make sure that you are happy to be one of those and anything that you do would not go against self, for if you are one thing and believe in another thing, it’s nothing different than living a double life.

I am trying to make the post not sound really Bible or God related, or trigger that comment, but rather what you, as another human being, believe in. During any discussion, I personally don’t like people bring up the Bible to defend their opinions because if this is the case, the whole country’s law will be like Utah’s law that mostly is based on Mormonism. Sadly, between Democrats and Republicans, we tend to tie those parties to a particular religion. Furthermore, labeling yourself to me is just a waste of time. So what if there’s an absolute truth? Decades by decades, there’s only scripture that says there’s one ultimate truth – God. What would this apply to other countries? What would India think about their God? What would Japan think about Buddha? Etc. If anything besides Christianity’s God is evil or not true, why those countries are even in the world? Why those countries don’t get destroyed like Sodom? Because of Satan? And one of these days, the end of the world will come? … I can’t even imagine thinking of this because to me, it’s totally not making any sense. To sum it up, if you are born in America, chances are that you are a Christian and believe in Christianity’s God, but if you are born in Asia, chances are that you are a Buddhist. No one has proven any of these Gods do exist. Trust me, each country’s God has its own story. But compared to gravity, radio waves, etc. that we cannot see, scientists have revealed that. Newton even cared to know why apple fell.

It’s none of anyone’s business to judge anyone’s belief, but some tend to lean toward that way anyway. If you think that in Christianity you find the truth that you want, regardless it defines you or not, then go for it. On the other hand, if you think that you are being yourself enough and believe in things that you believe in, then go for it. There’s nothing to feel guilty or bad about. As long as you are happy the way you are and what you believe, that’s all it matters the most. We cannot change anyone. We cannot put something in someone’s head and expect that he or she will believe in whatever we believe. Some readers might find this post is not agreeable because they have their own beliefs that are completely different than mine. Personally, I think the journey of self-discovery matters the most in each individual’s life more than spirituality. It is the importance about how you feel comfortable about being “you,” and how much you love “you.” This, I may call, an absolute truth.

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Being single is not a bad thing at all. But what if you are single and have no lover to “make love” to? Some start to do hookups, some just masturbate, and some even find F buddies or friend with benefits. It is nice to have an intimacy with someone once in a while, because as human being, we all need some love and appreciation from others. We have that physical need that it feels better when someone does it to us instead of using our hand. It is nice to have someone that can come to you, and you two agree upon that nothing but purely “fun.”

All of this being said, yet the mind and heart contradict one another. The heart is trying to tell you that “You can do better than that.” But the mind, on the other hand, is trying to tell you that “It’s nicer to just have fun.” Through our life, how many times that we really try to get in touch with our heart. Most of the time, we go with what the mind says and neglect the main thing about what our heart is going for. We only live once in life, and we should do whatever makes us happy. We know better than anyone else about our own feeling and desire. If you are out there in this kind of relationship and dilemma, get in touch with your true feeling. If giving time to think about this will help, then do that.

The idea of living once in life is not about “Heck, since I am going to die one day, I might as well have sex now with friends rather than just wasting my time waiting for the real love to show up.” This is completely twisted. The idea is more like what makes you happy and what makes you feel comfortable doing that without any regrets or second thoughts. So be true to yourself. If doing that is what you are looking for, then go for it boldly. If not, then you know what to do.

I am hard on myself all the time when it comes to dilemma subjects, and I tend to get very emotional and indecisive. To me though, it’s more like the contradiction between my mind and my heart that is trying to pull me into two pieces apart. What I am exactly looking for is twisted to be what I am really not looking for. Time can change, and people can change too. However, no matter how much those people change, one thing they know is that they still have something that indicates them about what exactly they are really after. Loneliness sucks, that’s the same as being single, you may say, but you don’t want to lose the fight to these, and more importantly, lose yourself. Go and have fun with your life! You can do better than what your mind thinks.

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Some people think that being single sucks, but would they rather be in a relationship that is not healthy, married and feel miserable? Then, how do they think about being single?

I remember when I was in Salt Lake City. The city itself is huge but wherever you go, you will notice that the places are usually family-oriented. That’s being said, if you are single and walk in that kind of crowd, it might make you feel a little or more uncomfortable depending on how you look at singlehood. It is the American society that values independency, but encourages groups and togetherness. It almost makes one feel uncomfortable to go to a restaurant, sit there alone and eat, while the other tables are couple, friends, or boyfriends/girlfriends. It is the society that defines the “norm.” The majority votes for the norm that there’s something wrong with single people. Some people that are not married even try to wear a wedding ring to prevent from getting asked by other people. If a man that is not married in his old age, they start to think that he might be gay. If a woman that is still not married, the gossip and drama start to wander around.

Although the divorce rate in America is still high, people still vote for that kind of norm. However, the reality is not about what those people vote for, but it is about what you think about being single. It is not about what those people think about you for still being single no matter how old you are now, but it is more about whether or not you are happy with yourself. The ultimate reason can be that you just enjoy being alone, or you just do not want to settle down at the moment. Whatever reason is, you have all the rights to be single and happy. I know it is hard to break the stereotypes, and how those ignorant people generalize single people, you just have to live with them. But there is totally nothing wrong with you. Live your life to the fullest that you can, and don’t just jump into any available relationships without knowing it is healthy or not. One of these days, your enthusiasm about life will light up the room, and that’s when other singles start attracting to you.

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I was showering this morning and I was thinking about the word NOMB, which stands for None Of My Business.

• If a person has something that he or she doesn’t want to talk about, it’s none of my business to be nosy.


• If someone earns more or less than I do, it’s none of my business to ask.


• If one of my colleagues gets a raise and he or she is not telling, it’s none of my business to know.


• If someone has a better and more successful life, and I am not aware of, it’s none of my business to dig in.


• If one friend gets better grade than I do, it’s none of my business to feel envious of.
  If someone is more popular, it’s none of my business to try to change myself to be popular too.


• If someone sleeps around a lot or lives a double life whatsoever, it’s none of my business to judge.


• If one of my ex’es is dating someone else, it’s none of my business to get jealous with.


• If someone does not want to disclose about his or her identity, or he or she discloses it anyway, it’s totally none of my business to try to know.


• If someone talks things behind my back, well since it’s behind, then it’s really none of my business to even care about.
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There are so many things in life that we are trying to take them as our own personal things. Being nosy, eavesdropping, taking offense, getting jealous or envious, trying to dig for information that we are not supposed to, judging people based on their looks, personality, and even sexual identity… just about anything. We fail to realize that, it is because we are not feeling good enough about ourselves, that’s why we want to mind other people’s business so that we can compare and make ourselves feel good. Most often time, it can be very overwhelming. Let’s take reality for a ride, shall we? The fact is you are yourself. You have enough things going on in your own life. You have enough priorities and worries, and there’s no need to care about other people’s business if they don’t want to share. It’s even worse than this when someone is trying to pass good news to you, then you end up comparing yourself to that person. His or her good news becomes a bad news to you because it makes you feel bad about yourself. The question is why? Why in the world you want to kill yourself like that? Start minding your own business! You were created the same way as anyone was, and you have your own unique talent and skill. Give yourself credits, embrace your goods and bads, be yourself, and ultimately, focus on yourself and stay away from other people’s drama.

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I am reading a Chinese book called “Being Happy.” There’s one section in that book that talks about “The worth of feeling hurt.” The author mentioned that feeling hurt has its own value. It’s worth it when we get hurt, for without feeling hurt, we might not realize the joy of happiness. The author brought an example of a miracle that happened to a young girl. When she was born, she did not cry at all, for she had the unique power of “not feeling hurt.” Right when she grew a little bit bigger, she fell down and broke her chin, yet she didn’t cry. She played with the fire, and got herself burned, yet she also didn’t cry because she did not feel hurt at all. She placed a major concern to her parents. They had to watch her very close. From this story, it got me to think that if we do not feel hurt, we probably do not know how to take care of our emotional and physical parts very well. This runs parallel with the old saying that “no pain, no gain.” It is from pain that we gain the realization of joy and excitement.

On the other hand, if everything goes well all the time, what do you think about that kind of life? During this year’s Olympic game, India has won the first gold medal in the shooting game. The guy who got the medal got a lot of rewards. One of the rewards was a free lifetime air travel. One of my colleague who is Indian, she said I can play piano and write the song, and maybe one day I can win the reward like that. She knew that I like to travel a lot. I just laughed and responded that a free lifetime air travel is nice, but that would make me want to travel all the time, what if one day the plane crashed? Haha…. This is so not like living my life to the fullest with “iffing”, but the point is, there’s always a possibility of things that can go wrong. If life is always nice and smooth, then how are we going to learn and experience things differently? How are we going to realize the worth of feeling hurt, and the gain from pain? The true taste of life is made of two main ingredients: happy and sad. Without feeling sad, we won’t be able to strive for being happy.

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Just a blink, August 2008 is here. We’re just another four months away from 2009. The Olympics game has started, another school year is about to begin, and have you ever thought about things that you have and have not accomplished so far? Do you remember the resolution that you made for the New Year 2008? How much far and close are you to your goal this year? How many items that you have and have not marked off your year 2008’s wish list? ………

The questions can go on and on, but it will be just about how you make the best of your life this year. We still have four more months before the end of this year, but I would like to encourage you to re-visit your resolution, goal, and wish list that you made for this year 2008. Some of you might have noticed that, I put my 2008 Wish List menu on the right hand side. If you scroll down, you will eventually see it. Those items are the ones that I want to accomplish this year. I have completed two main items, already started an item, and still no progress with another two items. But I have not given up yet because I still have four more months to complete, or at least to start.

Making resolution is easy. Creating list is also just a piece of cake. However, trying to accomplish them in one year, we start to realize that there are certain constraints that apply. Sometimes, they are situational, and sometimes it is just simple that we give them up. But don’t beat yourself up just yet because we have given it a try, and that means something. We just need more determination and motivation. The good news is we still have four more months to go. These four months can go by really fast, but it actually is ample to make a difference in ourselves, life, goal, and resolution. Nothing is worse than quitting. We might not be able to complete it this year, but we at least start the process. But if you are tired of making the same resolution each year, well then get yourself to work and complete your last year’s resolution this year and make a fresh new one for next year. How fun is that by making each year accomplished with something that we want and hope for! Good luck.

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Loneliness is a feeling inside of you that you don’t know what to do about it. It seems that you can do something to get rid of it, but somehow you have a hard time to stir up the interest of doing that. The difference between being alone and feeling lonely is that you are not content with your own company, and thus, you want someone to be with.

You see friends hanging out, you see married couple with kids, you see dating lovers, and you see family spending time together. At least two people together that you see, you realize that they remind you of your loneliness. With this kind of sight, you think that even going out to some places to get rid of your loneliness, still it is not easy to do. On the other hand, staying at home doing nothing and feeling lonely is even worse because it’s not going to be just loneliness but also boredom.

Loneliness is a phase that everyone goes through whether you are single or married, young or old. You just have to know how to adjust your mood. The good news is feeling lonely is temporary. Once you find something interesting to do, rather than observing other people in pairs, you will realize that the lonely feeling is shifted away immediately. When I say interesting thing to do, I meant thing that makes you really into doing it. Thing that is interesting enough to get your mind off feeling lonely and sorry for yourself. Meanwhile, I also understand that sometime we tend to have a hard time finding an interesting thing to do when we feel lonely. It is just how the nature of life works. When we are looking for something to do, we hardly find one, but when we are not, we get busy easily. The gist of it is, face your lonely moments and do something about it. Call up a friend, invite a friend over or go over to that friend’s place, find some chores around the house to work on, clean the bathroom, do laundry, decorate the room(s), be creative, etc. the time will go by fast, and your loneliness is automatically gone by itself. Last but not least, you can always come here and read my blog ;).

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Granted, everyone is different. We live in a world that anything can happen. It is a colorful world that is painted by many different types of each individual person. The people that we know – friends and family, and the people that we see, if you are conscious enough, you might realize that they actually help us learning about ourselves. No matter they are good or bad people, we do learn from them.

You walk down the street seeing a garbage man, and then you realize that you ought to go to school in order to get a better career than that. You go to gym seeing an overweight person trying to lose weight, and then you realize that you ought to come to the gym more often and work out harder so that you won’t be like that person and try to lose weight that hard. You see a friend treating others bad with his or her lousy attitude, you know that you won’t act like that to other people, and you just want to be nice to others. You know a friend that is alcoholic, and he or she screws things up very easy whenever he or she is drunk, you realize that you do not want to be an alcoholic like him or her. This kind of example can go on and on because there are so many things out there that we can learn from other people. The way they say, act, and deal with things, believe it or not, it has an influence on us. Sometimes, it can be a good inspiring, and sometimes, it can be a warning sign that we should not behave in a certain way.

We are all different. But there are so many things to learn about a person, as well as, to learn from them. Personal growth is shaped by our own personal experiences, and by the people that we see and observe everyday. It is another way of self-growth in addition to self-reflection. Next time when you are surrounded by people, try to pay attention and see if you can learn anything from their behavior, doesn’t matter it is good or bad.

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Decorating your own apartment or your own room is a great way to express yourself to others. Personally, I have been enjoying this kind of self-expression with my new apartment. I finally uploaded all my new apartment's photos today. To view them, you can simply click on the link below. Before I call it a night, I would like to give you a quote by John Turturro: "My interest lies in my self-expression - what's inside of me - not what I'm in." Good night!

http://picasaweb.google.com/phengly/NewApartment

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You know you never stay mad at your friends very long. You also know that you want to stop fooling around with your so called friend with benefit, but you tend to do it again. At the moment you decide to do this, but later on you change your mind. This is all about space of time.

I strongly believe that time can heal one’s wound. Time can allow one to sleep over things. Time provides two lovers space to think about where things stand. Time makes one changes his/her mind. Time is money. Time …… well, has a significant influence on everyone in daily life.

There’s moment that we feel down with despair and depression. There’s also moment that we feel upset with anger and frustration. At that moment, we feel helpless and angry, but as we give it some time, we discover that in fact time makes us forget all that moment. If you are unhappy or mad at someone now, you might feel like the end of the world and don’t want to talk to that person anymore, but as time goes, those emotions automatically fade away themselves. Therefore, start giving things some time, whether it is emotion related or decision related, or friendship and relationship related, etc. Whatever happens now can change according to the time.

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Lately, I have been spending a lot of money on my new apartment. However, compared to spenders out there, it’s still considered “not much.” To me though, it’s too much.
As I used to say, spending money reminds you of your ability to afford buying things that you want and like. It’s a way to be thankful for being able to work and earn money. In Cambodian or Khmer language, we say earning as “rok si.” To separate them out, rok means find, and si means eat. So by combining them together it becomes “find and eat.” Finding here refers to earning, in other words, if you find something to eat, then eat it, what are you waiting for? You never know what’s going to happen to you tomorrow, or even in the next hour. You gotta live your life to the fullest. You gotta get something that you wanted long time ago and now you can afford it, why wait and save the money until something happens to you?

I don’t regret the money that I spend, for I know that as long as I am capable to work, I will be able to get the salary each month. Especially, the fact that I see things that I designed in my apartment makes me feel good and happy. If spending money on happiness, why would I be hesitant to go for that? I, myself, am not a spender either. I only spend money on things that I like or when I really need them. While I spend, I also know how to save some money. If I am broke one month, then I won’t be spending too much money in that month.

Ideally, I would encourage you to live a happy life - a life that you always want it to be, and a life that you want things that you can afford now. Treat yourself with something once in awhile. It’s a great way to show your gratitude for “having you” for you. Don’t let the future worry you, and don’t let the “what if” scare you away from enjoying new toys that you want to buy for yourself now. In the meantime, learn how to watch your finance too.

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These two shirts photos were taken during my Utah trip. I kept forgetting to post them. I think that the words on those shirts really mean something to life and self-image. They are the words of the day for you tonight before I go to bed.

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There can be many conflicts in our lives. Most people believe that it is what they believe that define who they really are. To me, this is not necessarily true. Sometimes, what you believe in can be just an illusion in your subconscious state. What you believe and who you are can be messed up due to the conflicts. It’s like two forces within you. One is trying to pull you to what you believe, and the other one is trying to pull you to who you really are or want to be.

Have you ever thought about making a mess of your life? I have. Let me share with you my own experience. I wasn’t a Christian, but I was curious about it. Then I started to hang out with some friends, who happen to be Christians. By hanging around them, I got exposed to churches, the Bible, contemporary Christian music, and who is Jesus. Of course, I also had fun hanging out with them. There was this time that I truly thought that I was ready to become a Christian, but I had never been baptized. I wasn’t feeling comfortable to do that by then. But things changed in my life. I started to attend fellowship, got up on Sunday and went to church, listened to contemporary Christian songs, and not to mention prayed to God. This was going on almost about a year. Within me though I realized that I was struggling between being a so-called Christian and being who I really am. By looking back at it now, I feel that I made a mess.

Christianity is not about religion, but it’s about what you believe in. The Bible is always open to mankind’s interpretations. Some call themselves Christians, but they believe in something that they have to go against other Christians’ beliefs. The question is does any of those Christians who really know the truth? And whether or not their beliefs are the exact doctrine that Jesus approves? I’m afraid not. Therefore, without knowing the truth and I don’t think I ever find the truth until Jesus reveals himself; I do not want to behave in a way that even I don’t know what is right and what is wrong to be a Christian. In other words, I do not want to be a hypocrite. I do not want to debate by bringing up the Bible and say the Bible didn’t say this and that. The truth is, I am still a mankind and I definitely don’t have the absolute truth about Christianity.

Obviously, it is what we believe that we sometime use it as a shield to protect us. It seems to me that to be who you really are, you have to create that sort of shield or excuse to protect us from others. Isn’t that tiring? Doesn’t that make your life confused and sometimes even struggling? Granted, you don’t have to live up to anyone’s standard or judgments, but be true to yourself, and make your belief and who you really are run parallel with one another instead of two different forces that try to pull you to the opposite ways. If you are “this,” then you believe in something that agrees with your “this,” and you strive to reach the idea that supports your “this.” It can’t be “that!”

The idea of living life to the fullest is to enjoy the moment that you are in, and hope that sometime you can show who you really are. If years are gone, and you are still hiding around, then there might be an issue about your belief system and who you are. Like one of my friends said “I believe in God, but why would I want to go to a church that condemns me?” When I heard that sentence, it meant a lot to me. He believes in God but also wants to go to a church that accepts him. His goal is to have his belief and his authentic self go the same direction.

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One of my high school friends in Cambodia sent me a message in Facebook about his wedding day. I went to read his profile and looked at his fiancé’s photo. She’s from Canada, and he’s working for an IT firm now. All the sudden, I went crazy and wallowed myself in self-destructed sadness. I started to compare my life and his life. I started to think about the past, what if I did not come to the States? What if I stayed in Cambodia, would my life be the same as his? By now, would I get married already? Etc.

Then, I started to realize that, there were and will always be decisions in our life waiting for us to make them. Two choices of going for it or not going for it are always there that involve risks and opportunities. Whether we choose the first choice or the second choice, we don’t know what is going to happen for sure. Now, I can try to “if” this and that about the past; however, I did not know what I would end up now by then if I go for the other path/choice.

Moreover, comparison sucks! When we compare our life to other people’s life, we only make ourselves miserable. All we think of is the other person’s prosperity, and obviously, we ignore everything that we have accomplished and owned so far. The fact is that we all are created in a unique way. If we live our life by comparing with others, then life is not going to be about creating yourself, but rather about finding yourself. Comparison makes us look bad to ourselves and desperately want something that the other person has. When we live in a life like that, it’s nothing but a disaster of self.

This is the lesson that I learned a week ago, what about you?

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So finally I moved everything to my new apartment (thanks to one of my friends - Brian) and had been cleaning my old apartment the whole day yesterday from noon to 10pm at night. Yesterday, I also gave some clothes, a printer that I never used, and some bed, pillow sheets, blanket that I no longer use to the Boise Rescue Mission. When I took those things to the guy at the Rescue’s warehouse, he thanked me graciously. While I was driving back to my apartment, I felt so good about it.

You know it is our gratitude that shows our appreciations to another person. It is in giving that we find the comfort and joy. To us, the things that we never use or no longer use are not very important, but to other people they might mean something to them. Everyone’s needs and wants vary from one to another. It is delightful for me to see that I can help some people that live at the Rescue Mission. No matter how much my stuff can help them, a little means something and definitely better than nothing. If we all come together and give heart to other people who are in need, little by little, we’ll make a difference in the community, the valley, and even the world.

Therefore, stay away from Craigslist or eBay for a moment, and start giving instead. Money makes us afford to buy something, but it is the feeling of knowing that we make a difference on other people’s life, and receiving the appreciations and gratitude from them, that make us feel good about our selfless action. Money cannot buy happiness, but happiness can motivate us to work and find a way to earn more money, for we are in a good mood.

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