Recently, I have tried to live my life by getting my mind off a few things. I realize how hard it is to get rid of stuff from my mind, and look for suggestions from peeps so that I can really get my mind off those things. 

One thing I have learned is that, in order to get our mind off stuff, we need to start doing other stuff - meaning that when live our life to the fullest as we can, and shift our focus on our interests and hobbies, from time to time, we will successfully get our mind off things that we do not want to think about. 

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I was driving the other day and listen to the local Boise radio station 105.9. The host said that, we should focus more on positivity than negativity. There are a lot of things going on now, especially the economy, but we should be more positive to have something to look forward to.

I totally agree with the host. I start to hate watching news on the TV because every time I turned on to those news channels, all I saw or heard was about unemployment, job hunting, layoffs, cutoffs, etc. It’s just so depressing and anxiety stimulating. One of the Chinese saying that I like is that “It’s clear when the eyes don’t see.” It means that when you don’t see things that you don’t want to see, you will not feel or even think about those things that can bother your mind.

An online friend use to tell me that he is not worried about something that he cannot control. It has been on my mind since then. Last week, I was debugging an issue at work and I was too busy to even think about the slowness of my company and what’s going on now with the economy. It makes me realize that I should stay away from seeing or hearing economic crisis news type. It is the only way that can ease my mind and lessen my anxiety attack. J Let us focus more on positivity and hope the best for the economy and everyone. 

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Everyone is so individual that you should NOT compare yourself to. Everyone has their unique way of doing things. Everyone’s preference is different, and even everyone’s luck is different. There are always stories behind everyone. You should not allow the illusional thoughts of envy to impact on your self-consciousness negatively, especially what you are worth for as an individual in life. By comparing yourself to those individuals, it does not get you anywhere but self-destruction. The critic devil that has been sleeping inside of you will be awaken and finally criticize you until you lose confidence in believing yourself anymore.

Life is unfair I know, but the way everyone was created is not the same. Everyone is trying their best, and so are you. So embrace the worst part of you and celebrate the best part of you. Thought is just a temporary state, it eventually will fade away along with time. 

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You said that “Of course it’s easy for you to say because it did not happen to you.” OR “It’s easy for you to say because you are not me.” Most of the time, I feel the same way. I read some inspiring blogs and articles, I wonder the same thing what if the author were in my shoes, and would they still be able to write something like that?

You read an article about an author talking about being single is fun and cool but they themselves already found their partners. Another author said that it doesn’t matter what you look like even though you are over-weight but they themselves are fit and good looking. You also came across my blog and I said bless your job when I am having a better job than you do, etc.

We cannot feel other people’s pain. We cannot understand what others have been through.  It always is easier said than done, and I agree with that. But have you ever stepped back and thought about why did they write or say that in the first place? What kind of attitude that prompted them to do that? And what are their goals when trying to reach you as an audience? They want to help. They want to inspire you to feel better about yourself, to help you explore your true vision in life, and they ultimately hope that someday you will have and enjoy things that they have but you don’t. But for the sake of the moment, they would like you to focus on growing yourself as an individual, and to have a positive attitude when in the future you do have those things that you want.  Without positive attitude when you have those things, you will still don’t enjoy them and eventually lose them again.

They are just human like us. They go through the same emotional crisis that we go through. Nobody is perfect, remember that. 

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The Little Guide to Happiness: How to Smile Again

-         Over analyze a thing because we think it is more difficult than it is.

-         Five main misconceptions:

o       Hoping – hoping to be happy does not happy make.

o       Making a lot of money.

o       Other people – relying on another person to make you happy will not make you happy.

o       Attaining goals – a lot of people tell themselves, “If I only have this, then I would be happy.” They get it, and then they cannot figure out why they are still unhappy.

o       Positive thinking – without positive believing, you are doomed.

-         Cut out negative thoughts – focus on positive rather than negative.         

-         Mind is a search engine - if you ask it a negative question, it will find negative answers for you.

-         Hatred and revenge is also horrible path to unhappiness – all the while as you try to make that person miserable, you are making yourself even worse.

-         People, who hold grudges and cannot forgive, cannot be happy.

-         Don’t just forgive others, but forgive yourself. Be easy on yourself.

-         Stay away from negative people who do not care to help themselves.

-         Antidepressants can help if only you have chemical imbalanced problem.

-         Exercises make you feel better. In the long run you will add years to your life, and they will be happy ones.

-         It is not the environment, but it is how you react to it.

-         Don’t be crappy, be happy.

-         Never give up. Once you stop trying, you can never know happiness

-         Stop what iffing. Iffing what iffing this or what iffing that is bad.

-         Stop worrying about what others think about you. Rather, start concentrating on what you think about them. Don’t over analyze things. Take life at face value.

-         Be grateful.

-         Get passion.

-         “If you think it is, then it is.”

-         Stop blaming others for our feelings. “You make me angry, make me unhappy.”

-         Do something for goodness sake. Don’t just do nothing.

-         Don’t complain or look for sympathy.

-         Make things fun: ask the mind how can I make my 10 hours shift fun today?

-         Successful person learns the lesson from the past, unsuccessful person still dwells on all the wrongs done to them.

-         Stop judging – you only focus the worst. Avoid stereotype, and give people a chance.

-         Don’t do anything in private that you would be ashamed to do in public. If you don’t respect, admire, or like yourself, then nobody else will.

-         Live with a high ethical standard. Guilt is a kill of joy.

-         Be good to yourself. Be your best friend.

-         It feels good to help others.

-         What you put out you get back.

-         Get back up on the horse once your ass is less sore. Don’t wait.

-         Nothing is impossible.

-         Control your own mind.

-         Unreal expectations can lead to unhappiness. Don’t expect to be happy all the time.

-         Laughter is the best medicine.

-         Jealousy stinks.

-         When you start wanting, you are forcing your mind, your search engine, to think up all the things you don’t have.

-         Worry is a waste. When you start to focus on solutions, the worry starts to dwindle. Act on those solutions.

-         Recognize hidden negative blocks. Recognize when it happens, and train our minds to trash this false notion.

-         Live in the moment and present. Don’t dwell in the past or worry about the future.

-         Pray or talk to God if that helps.

-         Use visualization techniques. Picture a happy movie or moment in your head and see yourself as a happy person.

-         Sitting on your butt can become a real pain in the ass. Sitting on your butt rather than going outside and getting some sun makes you pasty white like a vampire in a horror movie. Sitting on your butt rather than getting a job makes you unemployed and poor. Sitting on your butt rather than going out and socializing makes you lonely. Sitting on your butt rather than exercising makes you out of shape. Sitting on your butt only makes you ponder what should be, what could be, and what isn’t. And all those things make you sad. Get up and do something – anything!

-         Procrastination = stagnation = decay.

-         Even if the downside of what you risk happens, it’s still better than the monotony of a lifetime of doing nothing and living in fear.

-         Happiness is a journey not a destination. It’s not getting there that makes you happy; it’s taking the time to smell the roses on the way.

-         Lose your stubbornness and be willing to take advice and constructive criticism from others. Be honest with yourself. Don’t be Mr. Know-it-all. 

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Sometimes, it helps to lay out every single things that bother your mind about your date, love or relationship, or any dillema that is causing confusion, hesitance, and indicision. Below numbered items is just an example, and it helps to go over the list that you can jot down. This allow you to see the possibilities and concerns more clear, and when it does happen, you are well prepared and can get the issue(s) addressed easier. Remember that the goal is to make yourself unconfused and feel better emotional wise - worried free so to speak. Good luck.

1. I like him/her – Yes


2. I don’t like him/her – because he/she doesn’t want to go out doing something and a couple things about him or her that don’t meet my standards.


3. If I call him/her, then I don’t know if I am wanting it to continue – same as above


4. But I want his/her company – then I only want him/her to get rid of being single, which never works out.


5. What if he/she calls back, then I don’t know if I will get hurt and confused more – because the idea of not liking him/her already appeared in my mind.


6. If no one is making the move to call - take it as GAME over.

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As some of you might already know that lately, I am addicted to playing my keyboard piano. Since I got the stand for my keyboard, I have been playing and practicing a few songs that I have always wanted to play. For the past few days, after work and gym, I went straight to play the keyboard. Time flies very fast that way, yet I never want to stop playing. To me, being able to play the songs that I like makes a very difference in my entire free time or quiet moments at home alone.

It got me to think that, every time we complain that we don’t have time to do this and that. But we have time to sit down and get bored, or do something that just to kill time unproductively. Instead of picking up a talent or activity that we always wanted to do, we rather just sit quietly at home, and then the thoughts keep coming into our mind. When we are thoughtful, we tend to be depressed or sad. But as usual, being sad does not help anything or make the situation better. We all are doing the best we can to live our life according to our own standards, but I would like to encourage you to take a look at the time that you have in your hand, whether or not you use it productively and enjoyable. A hobby is what you want to have fun with. If you prefer being alone than in group, then pick up a hobby that you can do solo. It doesn’t matter what kind it is as long as you enjoy doing it. Enjoyment is what matters for the soul and mind, for we focus only on the thought of having fun with that hobby.

Don’t get bored or be lonely, get a hobby that you always wanted to do. In the meantime, learning piano is one of my this year’s resolutions. I am so glad that I am making progress on this one as well. You might also want to check my previous post about Year 2008 Status Check that I was talking about this.

P.S: I meant to take the picture of my keyboard stand and post here, but I guess I will have to do that some other time. I am at work now writing this.

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Just a few days, I have been doing many things that I have never done before. Trying new things can be fun, but what if they are something that goes against your self and your initial purpose?

Feeling guilty is not a healthy emotion to have, but it’s always part of our emotions. When we feel guilty, we know that there’s something wrong consciously. I always think that I know what I am looking for, but somehow these few days I have been doing something that goes against that. The nature of self has been contaminated by the temptation and guilt. All I have is, someone that I really don’t know anymore when I look at myself in the mirror.

However, I learn to forgive myself. I learn how to embrace my bad and naughty moments. They were mistakes that make me become more alert about temptations around in the future. I can fool the world, but there’s one person that I cannot fool no matter what, and he is “me.” I tend to be very self-conscious. Everything that I did, it usually turns into my self-reflections. Some I fail to learn from, and some I succeed to not make the same mistakes. But the point is, we have to learn how to love ourselves. No matter how big the stupid mistakes we made, and how shady our pasts are, we have to learn how to embrace those bad things and call them “experiences.” Otherwise, with judgments flowing around this society, people can really kill you without using any weapons. More importantly, if we just wallowed in what has been done, it will be just a waste of time. We have to learn how to forgive ourselves. There’s really no need to beat yourself up. You can be hard on yourself for this moment, but promise yourself that after this moment you will be fine just like the cloud will be clear after the rain. Forgiveness is often time associated with responsibilities. Remember how you first touched the fire? Then you swore to god that you would never touch it again? It’s the same as forgiveness. If something that you do and it makes you feel bad or uncomfortable, then stop doing it and forgive yourself. I am pretty sure as human beings, we have the provided intelligence to realize that fact.

I here forgive myself, what are you waiting for? You are your own destiny and guilt-healer!

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I am reading a Chinese book called “Being Happy.” There’s one section in that book that talks about “The worth of feeling hurt.” The author mentioned that feeling hurt has its own value. It’s worth it when we get hurt, for without feeling hurt, we might not realize the joy of happiness. The author brought an example of a miracle that happened to a young girl. When she was born, she did not cry at all, for she had the unique power of “not feeling hurt.” Right when she grew a little bit bigger, she fell down and broke her chin, yet she didn’t cry. She played with the fire, and got herself burned, yet she also didn’t cry because she did not feel hurt at all. She placed a major concern to her parents. They had to watch her very close. From this story, it got me to think that if we do not feel hurt, we probably do not know how to take care of our emotional and physical parts very well. This runs parallel with the old saying that “no pain, no gain.” It is from pain that we gain the realization of joy and excitement.

On the other hand, if everything goes well all the time, what do you think about that kind of life? During this year’s Olympic game, India has won the first gold medal in the shooting game. The guy who got the medal got a lot of rewards. One of the rewards was a free lifetime air travel. One of my colleague who is Indian, she said I can play piano and write the song, and maybe one day I can win the reward like that. She knew that I like to travel a lot. I just laughed and responded that a free lifetime air travel is nice, but that would make me want to travel all the time, what if one day the plane crashed? Haha…. This is so not like living my life to the fullest with “iffing”, but the point is, there’s always a possibility of things that can go wrong. If life is always nice and smooth, then how are we going to learn and experience things differently? How are we going to realize the worth of feeling hurt, and the gain from pain? The true taste of life is made of two main ingredients: happy and sad. Without feeling sad, we won’t be able to strive for being happy.

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You know you never stay mad at your friends very long. You also know that you want to stop fooling around with your so called friend with benefit, but you tend to do it again. At the moment you decide to do this, but later on you change your mind. This is all about space of time.

I strongly believe that time can heal one’s wound. Time can allow one to sleep over things. Time provides two lovers space to think about where things stand. Time makes one changes his/her mind. Time is money. Time …… well, has a significant influence on everyone in daily life.

There’s moment that we feel down with despair and depression. There’s also moment that we feel upset with anger and frustration. At that moment, we feel helpless and angry, but as we give it some time, we discover that in fact time makes us forget all that moment. If you are unhappy or mad at someone now, you might feel like the end of the world and don’t want to talk to that person anymore, but as time goes, those emotions automatically fade away themselves. Therefore, start giving things some time, whether it is emotion related or decision related, or friendship and relationship related, etc. Whatever happens now can change according to the time.

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In this month July, I have been asked three times about whether or not I get lonely sometime. Loneliness to me is nothing but an emotional state that is like other emotional feeling that lasts temporary, come and go. It is unavoidable for any living things. Some people might have more lonesome moments than others. However, no matter you are single or married, living alone or with roommates, king or slave, whatever, loneliness is part of our lives.

So the question was “Do you get lonely sometime?” The answer is yes, I do. Loneliness happens to each of us, but it’s all about how we look at it and how we handle it. I sure get lonely sometime, for the most part is because I am away from my family in Cambodia, I don’t have many friends or I usually prefer to spend time alone enjoying the serenity moments, I am single and live alone. But I do something about my lonely moments. I can just go cruising around town, go to Starbucks and order my favorite Italian Soda, go shopping, read a book, watch a movie, write something for my blog, do house chores, etc. to get rid of the loneliness quicker.

The point is don’t feel bad if you are lonely, or blame on life that you are more lonely than others, or call yourself a loser because you don’t have many friends causing yourself lonely, or what other people think about you being a loner, or anything. Loneliness is part of everyone’s life. We all get lonely sometime. The key is to do something about it if it really bothers you a lot. Don’t just ignore it because loneliness can lead to a severe depression and you only hurt yourself. Embrace your true emotional feeling and make the best out of it. Each emotion is only a temporary state, come and go.

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There are two types of sweet talking. One is good, and another one is bad. It is bad when the giver is not being honest and he or she is just trying to get something that he or she wants from the receiver. On the other hand, sweet talking is good when the giver is honest and especially it makes the receiver feels good about himself or herself.

Sometimes, it is not hard to figure out whether the sweet talker is being honest or not. I have been there and experienced it. I did not buy whatever the lying sweet talkers were trying to say or tell me. However, sometimes it is not easy either to figure out the good and bad sweet talking. If you just set the sweet talking aside for a moment, and regardless it is good or bad, one thing you have to keep in mind is to not fall for things that your instinct is trying to tell you it is not good to listen to. Another thing you have to keep in mind is that sweet talking most often time makes you feel good about yourself. If this is the case, then go for it. Most people say they don’t like sweet talking, but underneath their consciousness, they already accept it as a compliment. If sweet talking was done in a healthy way from the giver, then why not accept it as a compliment? It will make you feel much better about yourself and it helps to burst up your self-confidence. These never go wrong with compliments.

Therefore, next time when you run into a sweet talker, stay alert about his or her intention. Later on, get in touch with your own feeling whether or not it makes you feel much better about yourself. Accept it as a compliment and smile to show your gratitude. You know that although your mouth says you don’t like sweet talking, but your heart already melt down.

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One of my friends who already had the working visa approved, and is in the Green Card process got laid off two weeks ago. Luckily, he got another similar job, but not sure if the Green Card process got screwed up or not. The gist of it is that life is always changed. The unknown circumstances around us are changing according to the time and sometimes environment. It got me to think that we really have a hard time trusting life. It can be full of opportunities, but it can be also full of risks. It is very nerve wrecking to me because whatever my friend went through, what if it happens to me too some day.

I hate the fact that I even have this sort of fear. I hate the fact that I “what if” again. I even hate the fact that I am here worried about the future. But these can be used as an emotional preparation. It means that when the “if” part really happens, at least we thought about it before and become less paranoid when the predicted thing really happens in the future. However, we should make this a temporary thing and not a permanent one. Living in fear is nothing but a self-destruction. Get yourself prepared by looking for solutions and options, but clear your mind as quickly as possible because keep worrying about the future is useless and it does not help the situation at all. More importantly, you kill the present time, which you should be enjoying and living in it.

I learn that things usually happen in phases. Most of the time, they happen for some reasons. However, that does not mean I have to worry about each phase and wallow myself in fear. We should all live in NOW steps by steps, and take each day as a gift for living. As always, live our lives to the fullest!

P.S: I wrote my Utah trip yesterday but I am waiting for my trip's photos to get uploaded and then post them here along with my trip's information.

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I am often trying to stop myself from worrying too much. Whenever I start worrying about things that I have no idea what it’s going to be like, I most of the time become paranoid. Even worse than that, I can become exhausted and lose all the interests in my daily activities. To me, worry is nothing but a mind-destruction. When we become spaced out or have nothing to do, we tend to create thoughts in our mind, and they rarely are good ones. We worry about this and that, we if this and if that, we guess this and guess that, and eventually, these kinds of thinking drive us insane. The severity of the consequence can lead to an anxiety disorder.

The good news is we are the owner of our mind and we have the power to control it. We have the ability to stop our mind from worries, shift the thoughts to something else that is more pleasant. A better way than this is to find something to do. Be creative and use our time to work on something more productive than sitting around worrying over and over again. One of my favorite quotes is “The insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” If it helps, instead of being worried, we can be prepared for what is going to happen, plan things out ahead of time, and search for solutions and options to our problems. Like the old saying goes “Everything is going to be okay.”

It took me awhile this evening to decide whether or not to go out to the party with my friend. The party belongs to his company. The reason it took me awhile to say Yes, I’ll go with my friend was because it was his company’s party, and therefore, I would not know anyone there. It would create a fear for me to see his coworkers and not know what and how to react to those strange faces.

I struggled, and my mind kept telling me that why at this moment I became “chicken out” to meet new people? Isn’t that what I am always trying to say here on my blog, yet never act on it on my own? I felt “shame on me” sort of feeling. However, I pushed myself to go. I stopped the “iffing” (if this and if that) in my mind and tried not to guess this and that, for the more I guessed, the more uncomfortable I got myself in going to that party. I told myself that “Just do it!”

How many times in life that we want to be happy, we want to meet new people, such and such. But how many times that we really believe and have faith that we really want to do it? Just by thinking sounds promising to our mind, but without action is like a well done theory but no good practice. I want to meet new people, yet here I am worried about what those new people are going to look and think about me, and how I am going to behave when I get there. Mind reading is doomed to fail.

The party actually was not an indoor party. It’s more like a festival, an event that many people showed up with family, friends, and kids all over the place. I laughed at myself for being foolish to try to be smart guessing the future. It’s the lesson that I learned from today, what about you?

Let’s face it, we are all human beings. Since birth till death, there are always times that we feel happy and sad. We cannot get rid of both good and bad emotional feeling. A school counselor used to say during an International Student’s orientation that, we all get bored, but boring is part of our lives. If life is happy all the time, then the life seems to be meaningless. I never forget her saying this, and in fact, I remind myself each time when I get bored. If I complain, then I fail to really understand her point.

Night is very quiet. It is also when we decide not to go out and spend time alone at home, or maybe don’t have any invitations to go. It’s good if you can find something to do, but if not, then serenity can possibly draw boredom close to you. Sometimes, boredom leads to loneliness.

To get rid of boredom is to find something to do. It sounds easy enough, but said is easier than done always. But that doesn’t mean finding something to do is not the right solution to getting bored. There are many techniques and solutions out there that vary from one person to another. For me, I like to keep things inside, or at least when I am not in a good mood, I prefer to stay alone and deal with it instead of going to hang out with friends and become all moody. The way I solved my boredom is to get out of my apartment and take a little cruise around town. When my boredom leads to loneliness, I still have to deal with it, and I keep telling myself that it’s just a temporary state of mind, the next morning I will still survive and feel much better. Thus, having something to look for tomorrow lessens my lonesome feeling at night.

Therefore, just remember that part of human being, those bad emotional feeling that we don’t want never end. Luckily they are just temporary state of mind, so are good emotional feeling. So remind yourself that they are just short-term and will go away when you stay positive to look for something that is going to happen next, you never know, you know.