Last Saturday, I went to the Bruneau Dunes State Park here in Idaho with a group of friends. I was riding in a car with a couple and a friend. Well, instead of me sharing the story, let me just briefly say that the husband was practically giving his wife lessons and kind of have no respects to the wife in front of me and that friend. They argued, and the husband just seemed to do or say anything just to win her, which basically is his personality anyway. During his wife’s driving time, he’s behaving like a back-seat driver. If she made a mistake or did a jerky turn, he would act like a jerk instead of understanding how bad the weather was and how dark the sky was, which again is his personality.

One thing that I found funny from this is that, he is a Christian – very Christian. Is this action is what the Christians refer to the wife has to be submissive to the husband? But seriously, there are so many ways to express that in a nice and better way than that, don’t you think?

 There is also a couple that I know of, and that couple is completely different. The husband is submissive to the wife. I am not going to bore you with the story, but it is the same thing as the above story.

You know, sometime I don’t know what to believe anymore. Is love really that blind? Or is it just me that is being sensitive? I mean if I am dating someone like that, I would not make it that far to be in a relationship, and not even get married. To me, it’s all about respect and nothing about who is being submissive to whom. Sometimes, I just don’t seem to understand how that works, but I guess they made it to the marriage, and probably have their ways of thinking and how to work things out. All I can say is that, Amen!

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I have known that when you are interested in someone, that is a good thing, especially when it is a mutual thing. However, when either one of you or both of you feel uncomfortable or afraid of what other people think, then it is not going to be a long-term relationship. Being in a relationship, or even during the dating stage, it’s not just about you two, but it also involves friends and family. You have to try to go with the flow to see if he or she is the one. That is being said if you are a relationship material and not just someone that just dates someone just to have someone.

If you two do not “really” care about what other people think or say, and enjoy each other’s company while being seen in public, then that’s a great thing. On the other hand, whatever type of relationship that you are in that makes you only feel happy when your door is closed, then it’s not going to go anywhere further than that.

There’s really no right and wrong arguments to this matter, but it’s more like how we approach this matter. Relationship is already a hard work, but you should at least get the first thing done right, and that is being comfortable around him or her and vice versa not just in private, but also in public and among friends. You have to be proud of your date and not ashamed of him/her.  Basically, what I am trying to say is that you two behave and treat each other the same way whether it is in private or in public. 

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The idea of going out alone to the club is very intimidating. I would not know how to describe about how much nerve wrecking I was when I first experienced about going to the club by myself, and hoping that I would run into at least someone that I know.

Going out alone to the club also takes practice. As days go by, I feel that I am more comfortable doing that than I used to be. Some people prefer to go there and socialize, but for me, I prefer to go there and dance hehe….. Talking of dance, some prefer to dance with at least someone, but for me, it is either way. It does not matter to me much. The fact that now I am not as worried as I used to be regarding going to the bar alone has made me realize how much I am comfortable with myself. Sometimes friendship can mean a lot, but it does not mean that you and your friend’s interests are the same. It makes me realize that I am no longer dependent on needing a company to go out with me. This is part of me that I always want to be – independent.

In fact, I do not mind going out alone or with friend(s). I guess I can go either way now, hehe… which is good. By going out with friend(s) though, I care too much about them. I never cease to lay my eyes on them, in a friendship way of course, hehe… because I don’t like to ditch him/her/them at the club while I am on the dance floor.

I am very much self-conscious myself, but I think that going out alone will be a good tool for me to try to lessen my self-consciousness and sensitivity. I know that going to the bar by yourself seems weird, but there’s really nothing wrong with that. It is all about what you like. Why limiting yourself to stay at home when you cannot find a friend to go out with? Why forcing yourself to watch movie/show, or do something rather than go out and enjoy what you actually want to do that particular night? Everyone’s interest is different, but what is your interest, you should be very much aware of it.

To me, I don’t find people who go out alone to the club boring or weird, but I find them very intriguing, hehe… If I am brave enough, I would go up and make conversation, but I am not. Haha… When we are surrounded by friends at the club, it usually discourages strangers to approach us. I think that to an extent, some people will also be curious about your “singlehood” at the club as well.

Therefore, don’t be afraid going out to the club by yourself. Life is so much fun when you realize that you are independent from other people that you think can make you happy. The ultimate thing about this is your own happiness. If you can make yourself happy, then everyone can make you happy. One of my favorite quotes is “Smile and the world smiles with you.  Cry and you cry alone.” 

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Back in December, I used to write a post “Just because things didn’t work doesn’t make someone a jerk.” I used to hear a few people said that “Dump them before they dump you first.” Honestly speaking, I really find that irritating. It is a very immature way to handle a relationship regardless it is working or not working.

If a relationship is not working, the involved partners most of the time might already feel that they are not compatible. Then, it depends on who is going to dump who first, but sometimes it goes without saying and the relationship just fades away itself. But who is the “dumper” does not really matter. It might make them sound that they are still in the control even it’s over, but it’s actually nothing but a chicken shit that is afraid to say that “He/She broke up with me.” If you are a genuine dumper, then I would not mind. I have done that myself because I felt that it’s not going to work, and there were always genuine reasons to that, not because I was afraid of being dumped first. I also don’t go around and use those ex-dates as victims of my drama.

I can be a good friend and listener, but from times to times I am really tired of stories that they only tell me about what the other person’s problems are but not their own self-reflections. Relationship involves two people. One hand cannot really make a clap. Just because things didn’t work doesn’t make someone a jerk.

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With the slow economy, how can one survive without worrying about “what if?” As human being, we all need support and encouragement from friends. It is that time that it is just so nice to have someone to talk to and to know that someone special out there cares about you. It is like after a stressful day, you hope that you open the door and are greeted with a warm and loving hug from your lover. Human’s touch is a healer to one’s soul.

Just know that you are not alone if you struggle for that feeling and emotional support, and remember to show your love and caring to the one(s) that you like whether it is friendship or relationship. I learn one thing that living in fear is such a depressing way to live a life. No matter how each individual reacts to fear, no one can really imagine how painful and fearful another person is. Being alone now seems to be nothing but a thirst for tenderness and an understanding company, but we will survive.

My prayer is with you all.

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Yesterday I was talking about being thankful for being me. One of the items that I listed was about “I love myself.” I want to write about it today.

I would never think that I would say that to myself, or even proclaim to the world (people that come across to this blog). To me, loving oneself can be two things: arrogant (ego) or just feeling good about oneself. For me, I am totally feeling good about myself.

There are a few things that I realize that have changed in my life, especially the way I see things, people, and particularly myself.

I am less concerned about what other people think about me.

I am not too worried but more proactive looking for solutions and options to the problems.

I tend to buy more clothes because I look darn good in them, haha……

I look at myself in the mirror and smile at myself.

I simply feel hopeful.

I strive to look for more positivity than negativity.

I am thankful for things that I own, people that surround me, and less taking things and people for granted.

I feel the wisdom within me that allows me to live a life that I want it to be.

I take any open opportunities and learn from my mistakes.

I let go the past.

I feel more confident about myself.

I feel more comfortable about being myself.

I have grown ………

More importantly, when I start to love myself days by days, I realize that I want to share my life with others. I want to share good news and life perspectives with others - my blog.

Oscar Wilde’s quote has proven this clearly – To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance. When you love yourself, then you realize that it’s time to love and beloved.

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I recently ran into an article about the Law of Attraction. The author said that “The Law of Attraction states that we attract situations, people, and experiences in our lives that reflect who we are and what we focus on.” I then did a google on what exactly the Law of Attraction is about as I never heard of it before.

There are four elements in regards to the Law of Attraction according to the Wikipedia. I started to look and think about those four elements, and even tried to list things out for the first item – Know what you want. It was easy to list what I want, really, but then when it comes to the second item, which is Ask the universe for it. I became a little bit doubtful about my list, whether or not it’s too much or too good to be true. Then when it comes to the third item - Feel and behave as if the object of your desire is on its way, I tended to be very self-doubt and started to question if the list of what I want is realistic. Well with these kinds of struggling, it makes me completely suspicious about the last item - Be open to receiving it.

The point is, this situation makes me realize that sometimes we know what things we want, but they tend to be some sorts of illusions or simply just a fantasy. On the other hand, sometimes we list things out that we know for sure those are what we are looking for, yet we are afraid to go after them, become disbelieving and even self-doubt like me. Sure, the experiences make us see clear what would and would not work, but we have to believe in ourselves. I would like to change the third item to be “Feel and believe as if the object of your desire is on its way.” Without believing, it’s just making us become more and more doubtful about our lists though they are realistic and attainable. We are not picky, we are not greedy, we are just human beings that want the best for ourselves and definitely know what we want somehow. The mind can betray us, but nothing goes wrong with what the heart wants if we believe. Sometimes, we also tend to be flexible, and yes we sure can be that way, but never ever let go our standards because those are what define who we really are, and more importantly, we will be happy when we get the “stuff” that meet those standards. Don’t just settle down for anything or anyone, I believe that you can do better than that. 

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Sometimes when we get asked that why we are still single or unattached? High self-esteem people would answer that they have not met someone that can be their boyfriends/girlfriends. Low self-esteem people, on the other hand, would answer that either how ugly they are or no one wants to date them.

You see the difference here? Just one thing in our self-esteem, it changes everything about how we look at ourselves. Ultimately, this change will take away our happiness within. If you are not happy and don’t love yourself, there’s no way others see the beauty of you. Remember, we are responsible for our lives, and we live not according to other people’s judgments and standards but those of ours. 

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A while ago, I was chatting with a friend online. I asked him to see how his love life was. He said he’s single and liked it. I continued to ask whether or not he got lonely. He said sometimes, but well worth the drama-free.

I can’t say for anyone else, but whatever that friend said has been on my mind for a long time. It’s nice to be in a relationship, but when the drama involves, it does really gives me headache. All the missing, guessing, wondering why no calls, texts, etc. is just horrible. It’s not that I am afraid to be attached, but it has been that I live my life as it goes and I am okay with being single without any more expectations.

Furthermore, tonight a friend signed up a Live Journal’s account, and it made me want to go check my way old journals over there. Reading them makes me realize that how much I have grown and how much I have understood the meaning of loving myself to be able to offer love to others. It has been a long journey for me to finally understand the real me. Through ups and downs, I would not expect anyone to understand this as much as I do. I am sure that you have your own journey and experiences as well.

Why don’t you take a moment and think about your past, what have you done and whether or not you have been making progress in your own journey and life? Remember, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance” - Oscar Wilde.

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I was watching a movie tonight, and there’s one quote from the movie that I like. “Just because things didn’t work doesn’t make someone a jerk.” In any relationship, it’s always great at the first time. Later on, the partners enjoy time together, but things start to go bad and end up not seeing each other anymore, then it’s either one of them or sometimes both starts to trash talk about one another.

Just because the relationship ends, or the person turns out to be what we didn’t expect doesn’t mean he is a jerk or she is a bitch. Romance is romance, regardless it is short- or long-term. What makes it special is that you both enjoyed time together and it was good. You cannot really deny the memories that you both shared.

There are many factors in a relationship that causes break-ups and divorces, but just because it’s over doesn’t make your ex a victim of your drama. One of my favorite quotes is “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” If you only focus on the end justifies the means, you will find yourself get caught in resentment and hate. I can tell you now it’s a childish way to do while talking about the relationship. Learn how to forgive and mean it when you call someone an “ex.” It’s over and it belongs to the past, there’s no need to nag and trash talk about him/her. You have your own life and so does he/she. 

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Have you ever heard of unconditional love?

Lately, I have been addicted to a show on YouTube. It’s a romantic comedy show from German. But what attracts me the most is the love that they show to me. It amazes me that how can a person love someone like that? Unconditionally, patiently, and supportively. The show sometime gets traumatic. It’s like a soap opera, but not exactly. It’s just a European type of show. But it shows me of how a relationship works – the crush, the jealousy, the falling in love, the fight, the make up, etc.

After all of this, I realize that no matter what types of people that I have been with in the past, the experiences teach me to grow more mature to not make the same mistakes, and more importantly, I have never stayed away from love and being loved. Loving heart is a good thing to have. Keep up the good work.

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When I tell people that I am going to stay in and not going out, they start to tell me that “Oh, you are going to be single.” I can’t agree more than that. It’s true. If I just sit on my butt at home, I will be alone for a long long time. Sure, if I don’t go out and meet people, I will be single for a long long time. On the other hand, I have also thought that why would that even matter? If I don’t want to go out or do something, then it’s all about my choice, and let it be.

Having someone is nice, but at the same time, it’s not my ultimate goal to socialize or meet new people just to “find” that one. If I want to socialize, then it is because that’s what I want to do. If I want to just stay home and enjoy the serenity time, then it’s because that’s what I want to do as well. I am sure that I am taking advantage of being still young, and trust me, I have thought about the fact that time will never stay the same, and youth eventually will fade. However, I have learned that pushing yourself to do something that you don’t want to do, or even tired of doing them, things never work out as expected. This will just create more resentment and disappointment for the future. Too much pressure and too much expectation, when those are not even necessary in the first place.

I am not giving up, but I need to focus on more priorities in my life. Life has more to offer than just a relationship. If this makes more sense, life is a cake, but relationship is just an icing on the cake. If the cake goes bad, then what are you left with?

Are you still in debt? Is there a past relationship that you are still not over yet? Are there any goals or dreams that you have not attained? Are you satisfied with the way you look? Are you happy now? Are you still finding yourself? Do you think you are ready for a relationship? Are you still looking for a job? So on and so forth. There are sure things going on in your life that need your attention more than focusing on “not” being single. The best thing ever in your life is to live your life to the fullest as best as you can and be yourself the way you want to be. Be happy and believe that love does exist. 

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Have you ever been wondering why you are single? Isn’t it too much that friends ask you that why you are still unattached, and that you have to second on asking yourself the same question? Sure the way you response to others might be different to the way you response to yourself. But our mind is like a search engine, when we ask it, it will try to search for answers for us. Most of the time, self-talk about being single is usually not a good thing, and why do I say that? Because subconsciously, you already think that being single sucks, being single is lonely, being single has to do with some personal issues, so on and so forth, and therefore, when you ask the mind to search for answers based on these negative assumptions, all you got are negative answers about yourself, and that destructs your self-image.

From times to times, it doesn’t matter that much of why you are still single. You know yourself well enough to know why, and the reason why I said it doesn’t matter that much because being single is a simple thing. Do not over complicate it. It’s not hard or deep to understand, and you really don’t need a “because” to understand being single. I would say that live your life to the fullest as you can, quit asking the mind about why you are single, but instead, put all your energy to live your life and ask the mind about how you can live your life the way you want it to be, and eventually, things will work out on their own. When you live your life 100%, you will realize that being single really doesn’t bother you much because you are too busy and have too much fun living your exciting life. That’s being said, your happiness is built within yourself whether or not you are single or couple. 

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I asked a friend on the Internet that the city where he lives in is big, and why he’s still single? He said it’s hard for him.

“It’s hard for me.” I hear it clear and loud via the chat messenger. I always believe in individuality and hate to generalize people. I completely understood what he was saying. Sometimes in life, things work for you but not for others. The way you approach people is different than that of others. I don’t judge people when they say it’s hard for them. Indeed, it is because that’s how they are no matter whatever reasons that make them be. They have their own way of doing things and approach people. By trying to give the lesson just seems so stupid acting like you know it all, and even know him very well. You are not him, you cannot really relate to what he has been through and what he’s doing in his own life.

So next time when a friend says that to you, don’t try to mock him/her by making mocking sound or by trying to be him. You can show your caring by just listening and understanding him/her as an individual. What areas that he or she think it’s hard, he or she already realizes that but just not willing to or afraid to make a change – inner change so to speak. You are responsible only for your own action and change, and don’t even try to compare yourself with your friend because that never works. You two are completely different people and therefore have different perspectives and opinions. 

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Starting today, I am going to try to answer a few questions that are posted on a Life Coach's blog - Michael Moniz

I think this will be fun, and will allow me to think about some various aspects of friendship, love/relationship, and life in general. You are welcome to "play" with me. But each day, I will only answer one of the questions that he posted, and I reserve the right to pick whichever one that I want to answer. So here we go....

What are ten reasons someone would be happy to be in a relationship with me?

1. I don't cheat
2. I am cute, haha....
3. I have a car
4. I have a job
5. I am a very nice guy
6. I am loving and caring
7. I am very romantic, haha...
8. I enjoy doing things together
9. I am honest
10. I have sense of humor

Hm... make it 11. I don't smoke and snore, haha.... (purely based on the past experience). So what about you? What are ten reasons someone would be happy to be in a relationship with you?

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Lately, as you can tell that I have been designing and adding a few sections to this blog. Tonight, I have added the photo shoot gallery section. I was trying to find a code out there that does the photo sliding. I found a lot, but because of impatience and rushing, I picked whichever one that is available. After everything was set up and I committed the changes to the code, I started to browse around again. Then when I see another photo slider that is better, I felt that I should have used that instead.

The above instance makes me realize that how many times in our life we are not patient enough to look around and explore available options out there? We tend to jump into things pretty quick, even relationship wise. 

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I remember when I was in Thailand for vacation, and went to a small restaurant. That time, I didn't know what to order, but the owner recommended this meal. After that, I just fell in love with it. Therefore,  I name this one “The heart that truly loves never forgets.” 

Indeed, it's not about just food or thing, but if we love or care for someone, it will be hard to forget him/her and we always find ourselves remembering all the things that he/she has to say. Don't say too quick that you love someone in whichever way when you actually never pay much attention to him or her. Say what you mean and mean what you say! Don't be a love hypocrite. 

This is a pretty easy dish to make:

• Chopped string beans
• Pork/Beef Sausage
• Chopped garlic
• Chilli Paste
• Olive Oil
• Oriental stir fry sauce

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Some people like to think that the whole reason why they are still single because there’s something wrong with them. An HIV positive guy thinks that because of his status, that’s why he’s still single. A fat girl thinks that because she’s fat, and that’s why she is single. One of those people out there thinks that because the city is too small and less diverse, that’s why he/she is single. This can go on and on.

Granted, it’s all about individualism. But if we put all of these together, we will see that each individual is being hard on themselves. The HIV negative guy, the good looking girl, the one that lives in a big city, has a great job, has a great socializing skills, yet wonders the same thing why he or she is still single. I think that subconsciously, those people like to create a reason as an excuse to make themselves feel better about the whole “being single” thing. They need a proof or a cause to explain to themselves about why they are single.

Some people move from one place to another. Some hit the gym so hard just to get in shape hoping that he or she will be no longer single. However, I have seen the case that when those people reach their goals, they are still single and unhappy. Then, they start to create another so called “reason” for why they are still single. The pattern here is pretty obvious that they are being hard on themselves. They do not see what they have, and do not look at where they are now. All they focus on is the “reasons” that make them single, and those reasons always tend to be the bad ones about themselves. The self-image here therefore is destructed.

Some may argue that all of those reasons can lead a person to improve on himself or herself, which I also like about self-improvement. But the point is all about being happy within self. No matter how much you are going to improve yourself, if you are not happy and all you can think of is improving yourself just to impress somebody, you are setting a high expectation that is doomed to fail, and as a result, you get disappointed.

I encourage you to keep improving yourself, but for the sake of your own happiness. That’s being said, you want to do that to feel better about yourself not because it is the reason why you are single and therefore you want to change yourself. You need to be happy and that’s what makes the self-improvement process worth your time and more enjoyable when you start seeing the result. You are single that’s because you are single, period.

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Sometimes, whenever we break up with our lovers, we think that it is the other person’s fault, and sometimes, we think that it’s our faults. There’s also a situation that when someone quit seeing us, we think that it’s either that someone’s fault or our faults. Personally, I think that by focusing on too much about whose fault it is, is simply a waste of time. Some people find that by blaming others makes him or her feel much better about the situation, and low self-esteem people would just blame on themselves for anything that goes wrong.

For the past week, I have been contemplating about how a person is treated in either good or bad way. No matter what prompted the other person to lie to the other person, or to sweet talk to just get whatever he or she wants out of the other person, it is life and it is how some human being is. But it happens and everyone goes through that. It’s part of the growing and learning experiences. However, by resenting what already happened because of the other person’s behavior is like you are murdering no one but yourself. In the past week, I was thankful for being hurt by that person. I would rather admit that I was hurt rather than I was resentful for the fact that I was lied to, though anger is more than resentment. But thanks to time, I was able to be healed quickly. After being healed, if I did not self-reflect about what happened, I would be the dumbest person ever in this world. Why would I say that? Because without being lied to, I would not be able to know much better about myself and pursue what I always look for in life. Consequently, I am no longer bitter, but better. The most precious thing that came out of it was that I re-arranged my life and reset my starting point in my journey in every aspect of life and relationship.

No one wants to hurt you emotionally, but you want to be hurt by someone. Without your permission, no one can really hurt you unless you always think that you are the victim of the world. Get yourself out of that abyss!  It’s not a healthy place to be in. I start to believe that things happen for a reason. We should start embracing the bad things that happened and acknowledge them as bad, just simply face them. Once again, learn from them! This applies the same to a bad person that hurt us. Try to look at him or her as a way to motivate you to think and grow to become a better and stronger person. He or she showed up in your life for a reason. It is sad enough to drag yourself in resentment and blaming him or her, but it’s sadder when you don’t self-reflect to see what, how, and why it happened that way. 

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I have learned one thing from these past few days about getting what you want. See we are all different, and our wants and needs are also different. Other people won’t know what we want until we speak it up through words and actions. It is “you” that define the things that “you” want.

We are all adults here. We are no longer a baby that can cry and then get what we want. We become responsible adults that every step that we take, we are accounted for. Some might find it a little bit hard to figure out what they want, and some know what they want just like that. Let me give you an example. If you are dating with someone, and then after the first date, you start to wonder if the other person is into you or not. You begin to wait for his/her calls, text messages, emails, or any other communication means. However, you don’t know what is he or she thinking right now. Maybe, he or she could be doing the same thing – waiting to hear from you. But let me tell you now, it doesn’t matter about what is he or she thinking. The point is, “you” are the one that you know exactly what is on your mind, and what you are doing. In this example, what’s on your mind is that person, and what you are doing is waiting for that person to make the move. It is advised that to give some time to think about things and to get in touch with yourself more clear about what you want from the other person. The main point here is that why do you want to make the first move? If you can answer this question, then you should know very well why do you want do that. It could be that you like the person, or you need to straight things out between you two, or whatever reasons are there. Of course rejection sucks, but what would be worse than sitting and waiting around wondering while you can express your true feeling and show your interest just a call or text send away? What you get out of doing this is the “answer” that you have been waiting for.

Ask yourself what do you want from the other person? It is “you.” Yes, I repeat, it is “you” that you should give 100% attention to. If you don’t get what you want, at least you realize that the thing is not meant for you, and finally you get the answer for yourself whether or not he or she is into you, and all I can say, you will feel much better than waiting. The pattern is “I make the move because I….” Yes, because YOU want something.

Be true to yourself. The self-journey is not an easy journey while you don’t know what you want and become passive to wait for the other person to give you the answer. Things would never just fall from the sky for you, you have to do something in order to get it. It is from reaching out that we gain something in return. After all, it is “you” that all you have – the best friend and companion until you leave this world. One of my favorite quotes from a Korean series is “It is sad to be rejected, but without expressing your own regard is even more sad.” You have done your part, and that’s all it matters.

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