When I was between 19 and 21, I thought that I knew a lot and was mature by then. But looking back at it now, I feel that I was just a simple young dude that was in the process of growing to become someone. Life has too much too learn, and maturity is not just something that you think you are then you are. It comes with age although I do see some young guys act more mature than some older guys.
The point of this entry is that when I was around those ages, I was confused about who I was. I often time wanted to fit in according to the standards that the society set. When I studied too hard, I felt that I was missing out on a lot of fun. When I stayed in this country too long, I felt that I have been numb from missing my family. When I asked people about their weekends and they told me that they went to the club, I felt that I should have had fun too while I was 21. When a few party pooper friends said to me that Pheng, you always stayed in the library and computer lab, I felt embarrassed and became speechless as if I should have gone out with them and partied. When I turned down a temptation, I felt that I was missing out on an experience. All in all, I was afraid of the fact that I was not living my life as a young adult’s life that was supposed to have fun.
It is true that while studying, you can enjoy the fun times as well. My problem is that it is who I am and my own nature to be someone that is thoughtful and cautious. Well, it is not really my problem, but it’s more like that is JUST ME. Looking at the fear that I used to have for missing out the fun out there regardless of my social or sex life, I feel that it was totally my choice, and it has defined who I am now. I am thankful that I would never sit down and wish that time could go back and I could do something different. To me now, life is all about living it to the fullest without regrets and feeling good about myself. I am 23 now, but I still feel that I have not grown mature enough yet to understand everything. People change in time and so do their beliefs and thoughts. I can’t guarantee what I will become, but one thing I know for sure is that I gotta look forward to what I will be and how I am going to shape the present me to prepare for the future me.
If you think that missing out on the fun that you are not interested in and just want to do it to fit in the norms, don’t do it. Peer pressures or whatsoever, don’t buy it. You can do better than that, and that is - be who you truly are.
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